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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 10/7/2008 Posts: 2,501 Location: Caldwell Tex
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Great humor I needed it.
brbruce
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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 1/6/2006 Posts: 517
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Pastoral Visit
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital.
He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.
Later, the wife's roommate commented:
"Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
RBKayIneptocracy — Our way of life.
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 10/7/2008 Posts: 2,501 Location: Caldwell Tex
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year.
And every year Morris would say,
'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,and fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! '
'But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again...
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out,
But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!
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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 9/9/2008 Posts: 2,850
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Engineer
An engineer dies and reports to hell.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
~ Insults Should Be Written In Sand ~ Compliments Should Be Carved In Stone ~
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 10/7/2008 Posts: 2,501 Location: Caldwell Tex
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A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, '
I think it's Adam's underwear!'
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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 1/7/2010 Posts: 3,650 Location: WI
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rockingA wrote:A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, '
I think it's Adam's underwear!' Good one, laughed out loud. "If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music in which he hears, however measured, or far away.” Henry David Thoreau
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 10/7/2008 Posts: 2,501 Location: Caldwell Tex
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I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 1/7/2010 Posts: 3,650 Location: WI
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rockingA wrote:I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened. I wonder what the lady behind you was thinking. "If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music in which he hears, however measured, or far away.” Henry David Thoreau
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 10/7/2008 Posts: 2,501 Location: Caldwell Tex
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Sarge:
The other day while riding in the country with my wife.
We drove by a field with 6 or 7 mules braying and kicking.
My wife said look there is some of your relitives.
I replied yes all of them inlaws.
brbruce
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